Feeling dissatisfied? Maybe your core values aren't being met

I hope you had a lovely summer. As the kids settle into school it is often a time of reflection. Time to consider if we are happy with our career/being full time mum or if we would like to be doing something else. If you are feeling dissatisfied, it could be that your core values are not being met. As a special gift, I am attaching a short exercise to help you understand your core values. I also have an extra special testimonial and I have been having fun on facebook - have you seen me there yet? https://www.facebook.com/BalancedMum

Quick Quote
“You’ve got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you’re not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice.” ~ Steven D. Woodhull

Special gift: understanding your core values

Core values exercise (10 minutes)

Find a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.

If you would like to share your values or your thoughts on this exercise, please share it here.

Do you ever switch off?

I may be showing my age but our world has gone crazy. Do you remember when you had to share a computer at work, mail was posted in a postbox, most people didn't have an answering machine (ok, I was a late adopter!), mobile phones didn't exist and there were only a couple of tv channels. That was only about 20 years ago. I worked long hours then but when I went home, I was "off duty", uncontactable and could rest and recover. Now even when you are on holiday people still contact you. Do you ever switch off from technology? I have just returned from two wonderful weeks in Spain using the tips below...

Quick Quote
"...information is not knowledge, knowledge is not wisdom, and wisdom is not foresight. Each grows out of the other, and we need them all.” ~ Arthur C. Clarke



Tips for the holiday season 

If you are lucky enough to be going away:

1. Leave you pc/ipad/gadgets at home
2. Use your phone once a day for non-work related texts, calls or for emergencies. If you find this hard you may be addicted!
3. Do not look at email. Just put an out of office message on, asking them to text if urgent. 

If you're not going away on holiday:

Have a "staycation". Take a week off and switch everything off using the tips above.

If you must do some work, allocated specific time slots so that you can relax the rest of the time.

How do you make it work? Please share below:

Intelligence and interpersonal skills won't get you anywhere without persistence

I had an interesting morning recently watching my sons' swimathon at school. Both my boys can swim but neither are strong swimmers. As they set off, many children swept past them, but 5 minutes later, they were still resolutely going (mostly underwater by this stage!) determined to achieve every metre possible whilst some children were more sporadic. I have also been observing the relative success of many businesses recently and my conclusion was: It is not necessarily the most talented or the most skilled who do best but those who just keep going (business buddies can help). It's not trendy, but good old fashioned persistence and determination can get you a long way.

Quick Quote

"Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated failures. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent ~ Calvin Coolidge

Just keep going...

I see Mums who say "no" to a child the first two, three four or maybe five times and then give in. You need to be more persistent and determined than your child! I see businesses who decide after the first few months that it is not working and give up completely. Very few businesses are a massive success within the first year - keep going... And I see people trying to lose weight who stick to a regime for a few weeks and then revert to old habits (but maybe that is a whole new newsletter!)

1. Clarify what you are trying to achieve
2. Decide how long you are going to be persistent for. It is until you succeed? What does success look like?
3. Let people know what you are aiming for to hold you accountable
4. Learn from your failures and know that failing is part of the road to success
5. Listen to people who encourage you, ignore people who aren't helpful and keep going...

There are hundreds of stories of people who failed many times before succeeding, but this is perhaps a less well known one:
A 15 year old boy was didn't make his high school varsity basketball team during his sophomore year as he was deemed too short. Despondent, he went home, locked himself in his room and cried. You may have heard of him: super star basketball player Michael Jordan, who just kept working at his basketball skills, and who said, “ I’ve failed over and over in my life. That’s why I succeed.”

What is fear stopping you from doing?

I have had an inspiring weekend watching the Fina world diving championships. I saw Tom Daley start a dive in a hand-stand on the 10 metre board which is 2 double buses high (it was a hard job but I took a photo just to help explain!). This was an incredible feat on its own, never mind the dive which followed. Do you fancy trying that? I presume that he was scared the first few times he did it and he probably still has an element of fear, but he overcame his fear. What is fear stopping you from doing?

Quick Quote

"You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn't exist anywhere except in the mind." ~ Dale Carnegie"

Action is the best way to overcome fear

Some observations about fear:

1. Most people get scared, even the most accomplished people, especially when trying something new
2. The people who achieve most are not those who have least fear, they are the people who ignore their fears and do it anyway
3. Sometimes we fear something particular happening. How much of what you worry about ever happens? Knowing you can handle whatever happens is key to allowing yourself to take healthy risks which allow you to grow. One of my favourite phrases is "what is the worst that could happen?" 

Take small steps:

1. What is fear stopping you from doing (what would you do if you knew you couldn't fail is one of many key questions in our career coaching course)
2. Identify what small step you could take to move you towards overcoming your fear, if it is helpful share it with someone you trust and take the first step (Tom didn't start on the 10m board. He built up gradually but he did ultimately have to do it for the first time)
3. Finally, to get rid of the fear, go out and do it. This is the best way to feel better about yourself too.

If you would like to comment on these ideas or share a fear you have overcome, please comment here.

If you have a phobia rather than a fear, I have techniques which can help you overcome it. If you feel like lack of confidence is preventing you from taking action, confidence coaching may help. Just ring me to discuss the options.

Don't get out of your comfort zone, get into your adventure zone

We've had a busy start to the year. Lots of work but plenty of play too. We went skiing as a family for the first time (a day trip to Glenshee), my eldest son entered his first diving competition and my youngest son jumped into water out of his depth for the first time, in preparation for diving lessons. I have also spoken at several events (not new but I still need to push myself!). What these all have in common, is that they were in our "adventure zone", which is the theme of this post.

Quick Quote

"When you're safe at home you wish you were having an adventure; when you're having an adventure you wish you were safe at home." ~ Thornton Wilder

Get into your adventure zone

Would you like a change? Some people are more inclined to take action to move away from something they don't like and other people are motivated by moving towards their goals. Whichever you are, getting out of your comfort zone is a well-worn phrase which doesn't sound particularly attractive. It is moving away from something, but most of us quite like our comfort zone! "Get into your adventure zone" is more positive, exciting and attractive. I would like to challenge you to:

• Get into your adventure zone at least once a week (stretch target once a day!)
• Think ahead of time what your adventure will be, look for opportunities or, if you prefer, do something spontaneous
• It doesn't have to be parachuting out of a plane (although it is a fantastic adventure!). For some people it might just be having a different sandwich for lunch or going to a different cafe/restaurant. Why not try a new exercise class or hobby, talk to someone you haven't spoken to before or wear a different colour or style to your usual attire?

If you would like to share your adventures (large or small) I would love to hear about them below.

Create a vision not a resolution

I hope you had a chance to have a break and enjoyed your Christmas period. Now, at the start on 2013, is the time when many people take a fresh look at their lives, and consider the changes they would like to make. I am not a huge fan of resolutions as they don't have a high success rate (let me know if you prove me wrong!) but I do value creating a vision which you take steps towards. I have been creating a vision for both my business and personal life.

Quick Quote
"Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes." ~ Carl Jung

Create a vision and move towards it

• Imagine there is another you sitting in the room next door, close your eyes if it helps, and see what you look like if you are exactly the same as you currently are
• Visualise yourself at Christmas 2013 – notice what is different about you. What have you achieved? Do you look any different? Do you feel any different?
• Explain your progress to your friend - Now imagine a good friend joins you next door and you are discussing the things which have gone well for you in 2013. Notice how you feel about your progress and what they say to you
• Describe your journeys - Your friend asks you how you have managed to make these changes. Describe the steps you have taken and the obstacles you have overcome including what you have learnt
• Clarify your first steps - Explain to your friend the changes you made in January and how you managed to achieve them

Now you have done them once in your head, it should be easier to do it a second time. There are some fantastic tools for embedding your vision and making it more likely to become a reality. I can help you with this and also with defining your vision in the first place and breaking it down into practical steps so that you actually achieve it. Please ring me on 07764 235394 if you would a chat to see how I might be able to help you.

If you would like to share your vision to give you accountability and make it more real, why share it by commenting below?

Will it make your boat go faster?

I had an inspiring weekend last weekend. I went on a training day, the highlight of which was a talk by Ben Hunt-Davis. He won an Olympic gold medal in Sydney in the rowing eight. He told his incredible story and I would like to share the three main lessons I took away.

Quick Quote
"One of the secrets of life is to make stepping stones out of stumbling blocks."  ~ Jack Penn

Suggestions on how to make progress

1. Will it make the boat go faster? This was obviously a literal statement for Ben, but for many of us, it can be a great metaphor for "does it move us closer to our goal?". If you ask this question before any decision on how you're spending your time, it is a powerful way to move towards your goals. For example:

• ​Is is a good idea to click on this internet link? Will it make the boat go faster? Be honest. Are you just getting distracted or procrastinating?
• I haven't got time for yoga today. Will it make the boat go faster? Yes, it probably will. It is unlikely to contribute directly to your goal but if you don't nurture yourself you are likely to hinder any goal. Interestingly, in 2000, the boat team trained less hard than they had before previously unsuccessful competitions, so remember to pace yourself.

2. Never give up. Ben had lost every major competition for the first seven years he was in the GB team. Would you have given up? The key was that he changed his approach, tried new things and carried on.
3. Work as a team. – The ethos of the team was trust and honesty. If feedback needed to be given (or taken), however hard, it was on the understanding that it would make the boat go faster. Communication was key. Is there someone you need to communicate better with?

If you have any suggestions or success stories, please share them below.