Do you ever switch off?

I may be showing my age but our world has gone crazy. Do you remember when you had to share a computer at work, mail was posted in a postbox, most people didn't have an answering machine (ok, I was a late adopter!), mobile phones didn't exist and there were only a couple of tv channels. That was only about 20 years ago. I worked long hours then but when I went home, I was "off duty", uncontactable and could rest and recover. Now even when you are on holiday people still contact you. Do you ever switch off from technology? I have just returned from two wonderful weeks in Spain using the tips below...

Quick Quote
"...information is not knowledge, knowledge is not wisdom, and wisdom is not foresight. Each grows out of the other, and we need them all.” ~ Arthur C. Clarke



Tips for the holiday season 

If you are lucky enough to be going away:

1. Leave you pc/ipad/gadgets at home
2. Use your phone once a day for non-work related texts, calls or for emergencies. If you find this hard you may be addicted!
3. Do not look at email. Just put an out of office message on, asking them to text if urgent. 

If you're not going away on holiday:

Have a "staycation". Take a week off and switch everything off using the tips above.

If you must do some work, allocated specific time slots so that you can relax the rest of the time.

How do you make it work? Please share below:

Are you selfish if you spend time on yourself?

I have many clients who have numerous responsibilities such as children, jobs, businesses, houses, cars, parents... They feel overwhelmed and often it is the "me time" which gets usurped. We can feel that we are being a "martyr" for giving so much - time, energy, compassion, and that some day we will be rewarded for our commitment and hard work. I like to think of myself as a Golden Goose, laying golden eggs. The eggs are the things I create, nurture, develop or support. Without a healthy Golden Goose, there are no golden eggs.

It is pertinent to note that when on an aircraft, we are told that if there is a shortage of oxygen to fit our own mask first. This then puts us in a strong position to help others including our children.

Quick Quote
“It’s hard to be selfish and it’s easy to self-sacrifice.” ~ Nathaniel Brandon

A fun exercise to better understand your priorities

1. Write down on a piece of paper, your top ten priorities in order (most important first) from the list below

      Housework       Career/business       Hobbies
      Sprituality       Personal Development       Friends
      Relatives       Children       Relaxation
      Health       Challenge       Dreams
      Fun       Me       Diet
      Exercise       Partner       Love
      Passion       Home       Environment
      Income       Travel       Material possesions

2. Circle those which promote the health, energy and motivation of the golden goose
3. Underline those which represent golden eggs

Questions to ask yourself:

• Do you have enough priorities which take care of the golden goose?
• Are you living according to those priorities on a daily basis?
• What changes could you make to move your time towards your priorities?

What is truly good for you, is truly good for everyone else.

If you would like to go through a more detailed version of this exercise with my support, or would like support in helping achieve some of your priorities, please ring me on 07764 235394.

Do you think it is selfish to have "me" as your top priority? Please give me your reactions and let me know your thoughts.

Continue the holiday feeling

It is normal after a holiday to feel a little blue, but even if you haven't been  on holiday recently, this is a fun exercise to do:

• Close your eyes for a few  seconds, or allow yourself to think without distractions
• Take your mind back  to your (last) holiday and feel how you felt, see the location, hear the sounds,  taste what you ate and drank
• Identify what in particular it was about your  holiday that you loved. Be as specific as you can
• Brainstorm ways in which  you could replicate those feelings on a regular basis and be as creative as you can
• Pick one or two ideas which you can incorporate into your everyday life

If you are struggling  for ideas, here my top ten:

1. Sunshine - get outside at least once a day including a lunch break (however quick)
2. Relaxation - for a few minutes a day, breathe properly, in through your nose so that your stomach extends, and look straight ahead but notice your peripheral vision (or close your eyes and visualise your holiday)
3. Exercise - choose an exercise that you enjoy and incorporate it into your routine
4. Nature - can you explore places near to where you live at the weekend
5. Time with your loved ones - make regular time for the people who are important to you. Make them a priority.
6. Excitement - why not take up a new hobby or challenge?
7. Good food - try cooking some holiday dishes and experiment with new recipes
8. New plans - if you came up with new ideas on holiday, put the next step in your diary and make it happen
9. No emails - create a prioritised plan for your first week back and make sure you create time in the day when you don't check emails
10. The grass is greener - Acknowledge and appreciate what you do have in your life (it's a good habit to think of this every evening - with your kids too).

If you have other ideas, do comment below and let me know...

If you are finding it really hard to go back to work, maybe you need to re-think your job or career.  It may seem idealistic to aim for a job which you enjoy but many people do achieve it. Some just tweak their existing job. Others take a big leap. If you are looking for a change, some career coaching could be the ticket to changing your life for the better: http://www.balancedmum.com/career-coaching/index.php. Give me a call on 07764 235394 and we can discuss how.

Create holiday times every week

I hope you all managed to have a break over Easter and enjoyed a change of pace. I thoroughly enjoyed a family break in Lancashire. I had some quality time with the kids and some lovely evenings with my husband, Andrew. Some of the time that I enjoyed with my family wasn't location specific - for example, we played games instead of watching tv. It got me thinking, what is it about holidays that we enjoy, and how can we translate that into our everyday lives?

Quick Quote

“Holiday is what you take when you can't take what you've been taking any longer”

Tips to get that holiday feeling

First, think of what it is you enjoy about your holidays and write them down. Here are some thoughts which may resonate with you, but I'm sure you will have your own personal favourites:

• time away from work (if you have a job)  
• less domestic chores - washing, cooking, cleaning  
• quality time with people you love  
• opportunities to relax  
• good food & wine  
• sunshine & time outdoors  
• fun activities and experiences  
• new places to see 

Now, take each one in turn, and next to it, write down how you can achieve that on a regular basis. Here are some ideas:

1. Use the deadline effect to create free time - have you ever noticed how much you achieve just before you go on holiday? Why is this? It is partly because you have a real deadline and you become very efficient, doing only those jobs which absolutely need doing. How can you create this effect every week? Can you create a deadline every Friday, for example which allows you to leave work a little earlier, or stop doing household chores?  
2. Do less domestic chores - wouldn't that be lovely I hear you cry? Could you lower your standards, and do less ironing for example? As my son said to me "I don't want clean clothes, I want time with you, Mummy"  
3. Schedule time for things which are important to you - if you don't prioritise them, and you don't put them on the family calendar, or in your diary, they are much less likely to happen. Schedule time for you - a class, exercise, time to relax (Wednesdays is pilates for me) and time for friends and family that you want to see. Why not make friday evenings a special family meal and Sunday afternoons, family activity time, for example?  
4. Create an evening out at home - ok, so it would be lovely to be sipping wine Al fresco with a waiter delivering fine food, but why not treat yourself at home? Switch off the tv, set the table with a tablecloth and candles, dress up as though you are going out, open a bottle of wine, put your taste of music on, and spend some time doing a delicious meal (there are plenty of shops willing to help us out with ready made dinners for two if you don't enjoy cooking!). If your kids are slightly older they may enjoy being waiters for you! See where the evening takes you...  
5. Get out whilst the sun shines - I'd love to be a magician and create hot sunshine in Edinburgh in April (its currently 2 degrees - brrrr), but I do try and get out to enjoy the sun when it shines.  
6. Explore areas close to home - if you like new activities and places to explore, try looking close to home. Many people have not done the "tourist" activities in their home town, or done all the day trips. 

If you have any other idea that you would like to share, please comment here so that everyone can benefit!

A relaxation technique

I would like to thank my first yoga teacher, Ursula from London (who I still miss), for teaching me how to relax. This is part of her method and I find that it gives you just enough to think about to stop your mind wandering, but beautifully relaxes body and mind. There is a much longer version called Yoga Nidra, but I am just going to give you the first 5/10 minutes to start you off. If you would like me to create a full, audio version, let me know.

Read through the relaxation first, and try and remember it (or at least understand the concept). Then, ideally, lie on the floor with your arms slightly away from your body and your palms facing upwards. But if you happen to be on a bus, or a chair somewhere, it still works quite well, so give it a try:

• With your eyes closed, feel your body still and steady
• Tell yourself you will stay absolutely still and repeat silently to yourself "I am about to relax"
• Feel the natural rhythm of your breath as you breathe in and out (don't try to change your breathing, just notice the natural rhythm).
• Become aware of any sounds, near and far, let them come and go  
• Notice any smells, sense them coming and going  
• Now is the time to repeat your "sankalpa" or personal affirmation three times. This could be your life goal. (If you don't have one, either listen to my free bonus audio on my website by signing in on the first page, or give me a ring). While our mind is quiet, it has a powerful, positive impact on your life.  
• Become aware of your stillness and notice your lungs expanding as you breathe in and moving down as you breathe out.  
• Take a trip around your body (this bit really works) You can do this quite quickly, but take enough time to focus on each part of your body in turn. Focus on each of these parts:

1. Right hand side: Right thumb, first finger, second finger, third finger, little finger. Palm of the hand, back of the hand, wrist, forearm, elbow, upper arm, shoulder, armpit. Right side of the torso, right waist, hip, thigh - inner thigh and outer thigh, knee - front of the knee and back of the knee, shin, calf, ankle, heel. Right foot - top of the foot, sole, instep, big toe, second toe, third toe, fourth toe, little toe.
2. Left hand side: Left thumb, first finger, second finger, third finger, little finger. Palm of the hand, back of the hand, wrist, forearm, elbow, upper arm, shoulder, armpit. Left side of the torso, left waist, hip, thigh - inner thigh and outer thigh, knee - front of the knee and back of the knee, shin, calf, ankle, heel. Left foot - top of the foot, sole, instep, big toe, second toe, third toe, fourth toe, little toe.
3. Back torso: Buttocks, spine - lower, middle and upper spine. Shoulders - left shoulder, right shoulder and both shoulders together, neck - front and back
4. Head and face: Back of your head, scalp, top of your head, forehead, left and right eyebrows, space between your eyebrows (eyebrow centre), ears - left and right, eye and eyelids - left and right, cheeks - left and right, nose, upper lip, lower lip, chin
5. Front torso: Throat, chest - right and left sides, heart, stomach, diaphragm, navel, abdomen, pelvis
6. Whole body - right leg, left leg, right arm, left arm, head, back of body - shoulders, back and spine, front of body - chest, heart, abdomen. Whole body.

• Repeat your sankalpa 3 times, take a long inhalation and exhalation, stretch your fingers and toes, move your head gently from side to side, roll onto one side before slowly coming up to sitting and opening your eyes

If this looks like too much to remember, see if you can get a friend or partner to read it out to you. Alternatively just think of it as relaxing each part of your body in turn, and focussing briefly on that body part as you do it. That is the core of the exercise.

If you have any other relaxation methods that you would like to share, why not comment here and let everyone know so that they can benefit too?

“The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.” ~ Sydney J Harris

Learn to relax


Do you ever feel like you're running up the down escalator? Do you feel you have to constantly be doing something to get through everything you should do? Could you be a busyaholic?

If this is you, then the chances are, you're addicted to the buzz you get from being under stress. It may even make you feel guilty if you take time off (and I can hear you screaming..."but you don't understand, I have too much to do to take time off..."!).

The theory says that if you want to be a peak performer (in sport, at home or at work) you need periods of intense activity followed by periods of recovery.

"life is not a marathon - it is a series of sprints" ~ Loehr

1.Listen to your body's natural rhythm. Research has shown that your mind and body have an 'ultradian rest phase' every 90 minutes. Notice when you are finding it hard to concentrate and there is a subtle feeling of relaxation. Don't over-ride this with caffeine or ignore it. You may have to listen very hard to your body and mind if you are in the habit of ignoring it.

2.Relax for between 5 and 20 minutes. When you notice this feeling, go with it and relax, twice a day. Your body is able to do important restorative work during this phase, if you let it. You can relax whilst on the bus, cuddling your kids or just slip out for 5 minutes and find a quiet spot (please just don't do it whilst you are driving!).

If you are a busyaholic, by relaxing every day you will become more efficient and less likely to succumb to a stress related illness (and sadly there are many). It may seem trivial, but it could be one of the most beneficial habits you ever acquire.